Pants!.... that's all I have to say about that. Hehe, being secretly in love with someone is always cool.... happy Greg! Fantasies are abounding in my brain, la la la hmmm so good... If you are reading this you wonderful guy you, *kisses*, you don't know who you are and that is what makes it fun.... hehehe, I'll never tell. Heat is getting to my brain and making me go crazy, hallucinations of love? If you see me looking dazed it is because my pants are filled with bacon grease! Ha! You mentioned pants again!!! NO I DIDN'T, I REFUSE TO LISTEN TO YOUR WILD PANT ACCUSATIONS! You have no shame do you? I have lots of shame, shame for sale, at low low prices, buy and you will find out that the photosynthetic moon rays come from the boxes inside your carton of spoiled chocolate milk that was sold to you by the guy that lives in your bathtub in Australia when the water runs and swirls around the drain in the opposite direction of an extinct volcano on the summit of my chimney roof top in the middle of summer while wearing a dress made out of sand and leaves and turning around singing the theme song to the brady bunch which was cancelled because the numbers on the milage meter on your car all rolled back to zero thus sending the universe into the temporary time vortex where all the atoms in the aforementioned universe stop moving which is ok because it stops my ice cream cone from melting in the soft HOT insane glow of the nuclear bomb that continually goes off in the sky starting at 6 in the morning and ends at 7 at night except during daylight savings time when it ends at 8 but only if the laws of physics apply in the country in which you live in but sometimes only on Mondays when the cat outside my window starts flipping me the bird and snorts crack up it's nose to impress the sorority lesbians that pass by and wonder where are the nearest set of men's boxers with little pictures of smiley faces that glow in the dark but only at night when the owl passes over the barn with a field mouse between it's breasts and asks the wandering cow, "who?" but the cow doesn't answer because cows don't talk so the owl is forced to come over to my house and play poker till 5 in the morning loosing the field mouse to me in a localized moment of insanity, then we lay on the couch and laugh at the whole ordeal as the clock strikes exactly 5:27:51am and that causes the owl to fall in love with me and we make out on the couch for the next 5 days thus having sex over 3200 times, all the while the owl is staring at my computer mouse that looks back to me for help but I am too crazy to notice, then when I finally get off the couch I go and get my shot gun and fill it with pure sugar and shoot the owl in the mouth which causes a sonic boom to go off in it's mouth because we all know that owls can't process sugar as fast as humans so all the electrons release their energy at once and the owl flies out the window at the speed of light thus releasing all the atoms in the universe from being frozen in time and this sends the earth into a slightly different orbit and we all discover that the earth is not round but instead is flat on the top and flat on the bottom but is that because of all the midget penguins that fly south in the winter and north in the summer even tho they can't fly which causes all scientists the world over to wonder what the f*ck is up with that and they wonder so long and so hard that they all turn into skeletons and then fall to the ground in a most outstanding crash which forms black holes all over the earth and we are all sucked into an alternate part of the universe which is ok because in this spot the exact same thing has happened to an alternate earth so everything turns back to just about normal, except for the fact that someone decides that this is all too much for them to take so they create the dreaded baseball virus and sends it to all computers on earth but only Windows crashes so now the only real system left is Apple so Steve Jobs decides to rename Apple computers into Peach Info Techtronic Hyperbolic Subliminating Retrance Dactic Popover system just for no reason at all other that being able to use the acronym PITHSRDP which means absolutely nothing at all but all this comotion causes time to reverse itself to Dec. 31 1999, and because the new Apple system was poorly designed it forgets what year it is every single day so that sometimes it is 2000 and sometimes it's 5 A.D. and Jesus comes back from the dead and plays a game of tennis with his mom then later appears on Jerry Springer with a show entitled "My mom is no longer a virgin" but that really doesn't matter because TV hasn't been invented yet so no one is able to watch the show, instead everyone justs sits around looking at rocks and commenting upon their different shapes which leads to the formation of the new religion of the Rock in which people worship the roundest of the rocks out there but soon people get really bored and everyone dies.... The End! WHAT THE F*CK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?!?!?! Hehe you said "you"! HAHAHA, I said you too, ha! I said it again...hehehehe. YOU ARE SERIOUSLY F*CKED UP!!!! You started it with your pants jabbering teeth falling out of your mouth on Tuesday mornings when the bus stops by the beach to steal all the water in my trousers that don't exist since I'm naked because of the package of gum I found sitting on a chair that stole my trousers without a word of... SHUT UP, DON'T YOU START THAT AGAIN, THAT IS REALLY FREAKING ANNOYING!!!! You forgot pointless when you said that with a beaver running billboard song playing in the background whilst dancing to naked hot dog barbequed over an open lighter which floats in water but only if you add a pinch of salt in the... ARGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHUT UP, STOP DOING THAT, I MEAN IT JUST STOP! But I'm just getting to the part where the peanutt butter and jelly sandwhich run off with a slice of government cheese and they start beating a flea with a wet sock full of cream cheese and pickles whilst doing the hokey pokey in the full moon light and the tree starts to sing.... NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! I BEG OF YOU TO STOP IT NOW, I CAN'T TAKE ANY MORE OF YOUR PAPER WASHING SHENANIGANS WHILE EATING LUNCHBOXES FILLED WITH RADIO PARTS AND SINGING THE NATIONAL ANTHEM OF SWITZERLAND... OH NO, NOW I'M DOING THIS STUPID PLANET MARS REFIGURING FLOWER BUYING WHILE I'M DANCING NAKED IN A TUB FILLED WITH OATMEAL.... AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ we hear at Greg Inc. feel that we both need to appologize for the above insanity and thank you for sitting though it all, we also feel you need a moment of sanity which we will provide for you shortly, thank you for your patronage and we hope you continue using our service in the future, have a pleasant evening...
~~This is your moment of sanity brought to you by Greg Inc.~~
The price of beans in China dropped by 56 cent today due to unusually high amounts of water in the fields.
Sex was outlawed by the Pope today who was quoted as saying something in italian which we can't understand
Water use in China skyrocketed today as everyone decided to flush all of the toilets in the country at once thus causing a chain reaction and causing all the toilets to break down.
India renounced the pope today saying "He is not a real person, Americans just made him up."
Prince changed his name once again today. He shall now be known as "India"
Your local government loves you, send them thank you cards
New flavor of gum announced today, however tests audiences did not like the name "rat feces" as the new flavors name
News flash: Prince has changed his name again to "The country formally known as India"
Hallmark suffers it's worst stock price drop ever as the press found out mental patients were making such cards as "Love Me, or die", "Happy St. Billy Hendercosine day", "Scientists are people too", "Cats are great, with mayonaise", "Thank you for being my local form of government"
Viagra stock prices are up and strong while nude pictures of Dennis Franz were low in demand and falling
Prince has once again changed his name to the symbol of a happy face, and since his new album "Look at my butt, isn't it round and lumpy" isn't selling any copies he has decided to demand royalties from every person and company that uses the happy face symbol
Spankings are on the rise today as the weather was too hot to do anything non-sexy, on an unrelated note, I had sex today, and you didn't
Walmart today decided to change it's mascott from the happy face to a gun weilding postal worker who "shoots down prices and customers in the persuit of savings"
~~This has been your moment of sanity from Greg Inc.~~
Umm... Ok I've totally gone insane so I'm going to go to sleep now, expect things to return to basic normality in the next entry... I'm so very sorry you had to read this. Dear reader, what have I done to you, will you ever forgive my heat forged insanity? "Is this what it sounds like, when doves cry?"- Prince" ~ Koo-Sempai